A pal of mine told me about the incident where Beyond Black and White founder, Christelyn Kazarin found herself being entangled in a situation where she was being scrutinized for allowing a racist, White man on one of her videos. Apparently, this whole incident showed me ways to avoid making the same mistakes she made when it comes to interacting with White men and not put any man on a pedestal. Though I am disgusted by the response videos of many Black Youtubers bashing Christelyn Kazarin, I believe that this whole situation should be a wake up call not only to Kazarin, herself but to many women in the BWE Empowerment Movement.
Interacting with White men isn’t anything new to me. I grew up around them and was even shown romantic interested from a few of them. For the most part, I knew when to set my boundaries when it comes to interacting with and dealing with White men. I believe that Christelyn Kazarin’s biggest mistake in the whole situation was allowing the VeGainator, the White male who doesn’t want to ”swirl” with Black women , to be allowed her one of her videos. It isn’t a crime to interact with or speak to those that one disagrees with but her allowing this VeGainator on her channel gave him more exposure on Youtube to bash Black women. Her Google Hang out with him didn’t change his mind or convince him to consider dating Black women. In fact, this White male troll has received more subscribers on his Youtube channel and has found a niche with the Black female bashers on Youtube. In fact, he even made a video with the notorious, anti Black woman hater, Tommy Sotomayor. If she can’t set certain boundaries when it comes to interacting with White men, how can she tell her followers to vet and assess the character of men when they choose to date outside of their race?
Here is a video of VeGainator and Christelyn Kazarin Google Hang outs:
The problem with Christelyn Kazarin’s whole brand is that much of her actions has led to people questioning or even disintegrating her brand. There has been rumors circulating around the internet that she called for Black women to stop giving birth to Black male children during her No Wedding No Womb days. Now, that is a far stretch and not true. Her article was calling for Black women to make better choices when it came to finding a man to mate with and stop having numerous children with men, who wouldn’t commit to them. The scenario with Wes Murphy and Carrie Thompson, where they went on date, was also questionable because it was obvious that Wes didn’t want to date Carrie at all. Why show cast a Black woman being used like that? Now this entanglement with VeGainator has really hit a nerve with many people because the whole incident showed that men of every race and culture need to be vetted and assessed based on his character. I truly believe that Christelyn Kazarin means well but she needs to realize that there are better ways to promote and advocate for the cause of interracial dating than what she is doing right now.
What I think Christelyn Kazarin must do to better her channel?
First of all, I believe that she needs to promote vetting of men on her channel. Vetting means the careful examination and assessment of something. I believe that men should be vetted based on their character and the attributes that they bring to the table in a relationship not his race. There are good and bad men in every race and ethnicity so I believe that it is best to vet them and carefully assess his character. Unfortunately, I don’t see such vetting being promoted in any of her videos when it comes to interracial dating. It is sad because promoting vetting will be very helpful to her subscribers to help them date interracially with care and caution.
Second of all, I believe classist views of Black womanhood need to cease. In fact, much of BWE Empowerment movement has some very classist and limited beliefs about Black women. To many women in these groups and spaces, only middle to upper class, educated, slim, dark skin and child free Black women deserve to be uplifted and recognized while the hood rats, baby mamas and other ”undesirables” are left in the dust. A Black woman doesn’t have to be aesthetically ”pretty” by society’s standards, be educated or slim to find happiness and love. It is not to say that there is anything wrong with being slim, beautiful, educated and child less but what about Black women who don’t fit these respectability politics? Do they not matter? I will admit that I do fit their classist ideals about Black womanhood but I will not try to silence other Black women, who have different livelihoods and opinions from myself.
Last but not least, White men and men from other races put their own women first. Black males are the only race of men who don’t uplift, protect or put their women first. Since Black males don’t protect Black women and bash them, non Black men have taken note of this. That is why the VeGainator and many other non Black men saw it as an opportunity to bash Black women without reprisal. Like I have stated in many of my posts, it is open season on Black women due to the lack of protection they have. Even if a White, Hispanic, Asian and other non Black men dates and marries a Black woman, their loyalty is still to their own racial and ethnic group. Non Black men operate on the patriarchal notions of protecting and taking care of their women while Black males want Black women to submit to them yet getting nothing in return. While there are individual non Black men that do love Black women, non Black men will not promote a Black woman over women from his own racial group.
Honestly, I do believe more Black women need to expand their options when it comes to dating and marriage. More of us need to realize that there are many other men to choose from to mate with and marry outside of the Black collective. However, I don’t believe that a Black woman should enter an interracial relationship with a rose tinted lenses. Interracial relationships, like any other, require a lot of work and dedication along with a thick skin because interracial couplings go through a lot of backlash on both sides. And Black women deserve to find love with any man whether he be White, Black, Hispanic etc as long as he treats her with respect.
Much of this also boils down to self love. Many women in those spaces don’t love themselves. If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others and have others love you? Men can sense women with low self esteem and take advantage of her for his own personal gain. The last thing I want for Black women is to be used and abused by any man regardless of his race. Seeking therapy and learning to love yourself is one of the keys to resolving such conflicts.
I watched her Google Hangouts with Breukelen Bleu and it changed my perspective on her. Christelyn Kazarin does care about the welfare of Black women and their mating options but like I stated, there are different ways to promote interracial dating and marriage than what she is doing right now. She may mean well however let it be a lesson for her and many women in BWE Movement about the nature of men, patriarchy and love of self.