As I delve deeper into my studies, trying to complete my prerequisites to get into the Nursing program, I don’t always have time to write a blog post. Between school, work and hanging out with my friends, I have a lot on my plate. Though I enjoy writing about the plight of Black American women, I find myself having second thoughts about continuing on writing blog posts due to my own personal experiences in my life.
Much of my experiences in interacting with Black American women has been quite negative. From some of them disliking me right on site, to one of them wanting to beat me up despite carrying out my promise to pay her, to women in the so called Black Woman Empowerment spaces attacking me for having varying opinions. There has been times where there were positive interactions with them though I rarely ever get close to befriending one. Though I am aware that Black American women aren’t a monolith, I can’t help to think that much of these experiences is making me question why I write anything related to them or wanting to better their plight in society.
From my observations, many Black American women lack the urge to protect their own self interests. I was always seeing Black American women particularly on Black Feminist spaces advocate for the needs and interests of other groups of people especially those of Black men and transgender people. While it isn’t a bad thing to advocate for the needs of others, these groups Black American women advocate for don’t reciprocate back any of this same devotion to solving issues that affect Black American women. The unreciprocated relationship dynamic between the Black male and Black female plays a crucial role in blinding Black American women to what really matters. These women along with Black women residing in other Western countries such as Great Britain have always put their own needs on the back burner to help Black men fight for their liberation from White supremacy. Yet Black men never pay any mind to any of the issues facing Black women. The so called Black Community’s patriarchal structure enables Black men’s issues to be the crucifix of ”Black issues”, which teaches Black girls and women that others matter more than they do. The patriarchal structure along with racio-misogyny in the ”Black Community” has taught Black women to put anyone and everyone else’s needs and interests ahead of their own.
Another issue I notice among Black American woman is the lack of unity, solidarity and friendship among each other. The average Black American woman would throw another Black American woman under the bus. She would see another woman that reflects her own image and put her down immediately. I know because I have experienced this. Some of the worst experiences with customer service has been with Black American women serving me. It is rare to see these women get together and find ways to protect their own interests. The only time I saw and experienced Black woman that were ”self efficient” and ”looking out for self” was in a few Black Feminist spaces and the so called Black Woman Empowerment spaces. Even then, I noticed that these women lacked any unity and solidarity, because they would bash other Black women, who happened to disagree with their sentiments. I particularly noticed this on Black Woman Empowerment spaces. This is why I no longer frequent Black Woman Empowerment spaces and cut back on frequenting Black Feminist spaces. How can a group of women say that they are for Black women yet put each other down for disagreeing with them?
I would love to see more of this:
Unfortunately, I see more of this:
Fixation on the male gaze and identifying with his patriarchy is another issue that disturbs me. On pro Black, pseudo conscious spaces, there are Black American women advocating for Black American men to liberate their race from White supremacy. Little do these women know, Black women will not be joining Black men in the celebration or fruits of the labor. Yet these women will continue to make excuses for Black men’s failure to lead their communities out of dysfunction and chaos. Or defend the likes of pedophiles like R Kelly in a twisted and misguided sense of racial loyalty. These same women will shame and disparage the victims of R Kelly and call them ”fast tail girls”. Or find ways to throw another one of their own under the bus to uphold failed Black patriarchal standards of racial loyalty. To them, everything is about the Black phallus and saving, protecting and uplifting the Black man. On the other side of the coin, there are so called ”swirlers”(a term given for Black men and Black women, who actively date and marry outside of their race), Black Feminists and so called Black Woman Empowerment coherents that uphold White patriarchal standards of racial nihilism. Many of these ”swirlers” and BWE coherents do actively speak out against the gender bias in the so called Black Community and speak out against Black male failures. There are excellent points that they make about Black women looking out for themselves and their own interests but fail to look at how White patriarchy plays a role in Black women’s plight. What I do dislike is their oblivious overlooking of institutionalized racism and how White supremacy marginalized Black woman’s image and put her below her racial and gender counterparts. Absolving White men of their role in Black women’s marginalization is not something that is helpful to Black women either. In fact, many of the Black Woman Empowerment spaces encouraged Black women to date and marry outside of their race to escape ”Blackistan” and the downsides of being Black in America. While I am not against interracial dating and mating, I don’t believe that interracial dating is the answer to Black women’s problems. In fact, there were even some of these women in the so called Black Woman Empowerment’s spaces aligning themselves with White Nationalist sentiments and express their support for the alt- right and Donald Trump. I realized that some of these women had these sentiments when I went back and forth with some of these women on one of Breukelen Bleu’s videos. Since I didn’t have time for such back and forth commenting on Youtube, I erased my comment and unsubscribed from Breukelen Bleu’s channel. I still watch Breukelen Bleu’s videos if I have time, but I refuse to go back and forth with some of those wacky followers of hers. From what I am seeing in those spaces, these women are trading in one form of oppressor(Black man) for another form of oppressor(White man). Fixation on the male gaze and male identification will be the death of the Black American woman if only she realizes it.
Is it impossible to have Black female friends?
No, I don’t believe it is impossible for me to attain Black American women as friends. Though the few female friends I have are Italian and Honduran respectively, I do have one Black American woman as a friend. She is multiracial and lives a few states away. She is also quite a bit older than I am as well. Though I do enjoy my non Black friends, the most personal and intimate things I discuss about my livelihood I discuss with this woman. She understands what I go through because she went through some of the same things I went through. She also understands the crucifix and angst that comes with being a Black woman in a racist and patriarchal society. However, the majority of the Black female friends I have had tend to be of Afro Caribbean background like myself or West African background. Especially women of West African background. The reason for this is cultural and my comfort zone. I find myself having more in common with Black woman from other countries or of immigrant background because I find myself having the same values they have. I also tend to have similar cultural background and values as these women too. Only another Afro Caribbean woman can understand why my family doesn’t watch football but watches cricket instead. Or why I drink coconut water, like mango and Plantain. My Honduran friend does understand such cultural values but she isn’t Black. Many Black woman, whose lineage and ancestry from the Caribbean and Africa, which understand how it is like to try to fit into American society.
Though I expressed my feelings about my negative interactions with many Black American women, I don’t believe that Black American women aren’t able to be redeemed. The reason why I write about the plight of Black American women is because what happens to them affects me, other Black American women and Black women from all around the world. Sometimes the cattiness I am seeing among Black American women makes me wonder if I should still keep on writing my blog posts. Or even express my concern for the Black American female collective. Only time will tell if I will stop writing in this blog or continue on.